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Becoming a Mentor By Mail

Writer's picture: Swop Behind BarsSwop Behind Bars
A Guide to Making a Meaningful Connection

Incarceration can be one of the most isolating experiences a person can endure, especially for sex workers and survivors of trafficking. For these individuals, receiving a letter in the mail is more than just a communication—it’s a lifeline, a moment of human connection in an otherwise dehumanizing system. Whether handwritten or sent electronically through secure prison email systems, letters remind people behind bars that they are not forgotten and that someone cares about their humanity and story.

At SWOP Behind Bars, we believe in the power of correspondence to uplift, empower, and advocate for those who have been marginalized and criminalized. If you’re interested in becoming a pen pal to an incarcerated sex worker or survivor of trafficking, here’s how to get started and what to keep in mind.





Why Your Letters Matter

Mail in prison isn’t just a piece of paper—it’s a lifeline. For incarcerated individuals, receiving a letter is often the highlight of their day, week, or even month. In a setting where time moves slowly and the world outside feels distant, a simple envelope can carry immense hope, comfort, and validation. Letters remind incarcerated people that they are seen, valued, and not forgotten by the world beyond the prison walls.


One of the most profound impacts of receiving mail is the connection it provides to the outside world. For many individuals behind bars, letters are the only tangible link to life beyond the confines of their environment. A letter can bridge the gap between the stark reality of incarceration and the humanity, warmth, and normalcy of life outside. This connection helps keep spirits high and provides a sense of belonging and inclusion, even in the face of systemic isolation.


From a mental health perspective, correspondence can be transformative. Loneliness, depression, and feelings of hopelessness are common experiences for those in prison, and a friendly, supportive letter can offer a much-needed boost. Simple words of encouragement and a genuine expression of care can remind someone that they are not alone, helping to reduce the emotional toll of incarceration. Letters often serve as a form of emotional sustenance, providing strength to endure challenging circumstances.


Beyond emotional support, letters can also be profoundly empowering. Knowing that someone took the time to write reminds incarcerated individuals that they matter and that their stories and voices have value. This sense of worth can be especially vital for sex workers and survivors of trafficking, who are often dehumanized both by society and the prison system. A pen pal relationship reinforces the message that they are more than their circumstances and that they have the power to rebuild their lives.


Correspondence can serve as a tool for advocacy. Through letters, incarcerated individuals can share their experiences, shedding light on the injustices of the systems that criminalize them. For pen pals on the outside, these personal stories can inspire action, whether it’s through raising awareness, participating in advocacy efforts, or amplifying voices that often go unheard. By fostering these connections, we can help challenge the systems that perpetuate inequality and oppression.

When you take the time to write to someone in prison, you are doing far more than sending words on a page. You are extending hope, fostering connection, and standing in solidarity with individuals who have been marginalized and forgotten. Your letters truly matter—and they can change lives.

How to Become a Pen Pal

Sign Up Through SWOP Behind Bars: Visit the SWOP Behind Bars website to find a list of incarcerated individuals seeking pen pals. Each profile includes information about the person, their interests, and any specific instructions for reaching out.


Write Your First Letter:

  • Introduce yourself warmly and briefly.

  • Share why you’re interested in being a pen pal.

  • Avoid prying questions about their case or trauma; let them guide what they want to share.

  • Keep the tone positive and supportive.

  • Follow the Mailing Guidelines:

    • Include your name and return address on both the envelope and letter.

    • Do not use staples, stickers, glitter, or anything prohibited by prison mailrooms.

    • Use plain white paper and envelopes to ensure the letter is accepted.

  • Be Consistent: Try to write regularly, even if it’s just a short note. Consistency shows you’re committed to the relationship.

The Pros and Cons of Electronic Mail Systems in Prisons

As technology becomes more integrated into correctional systems, many prisons now offer electronic mail services such as JPay, CorrLinks, or Securus. These platforms provide a faster and often more convenient way to communicate with incarcerated individuals compared to traditional mail. However, they also come with specific challenges and limitations that pen pals should understand before diving in.


One of the biggest advantages of electronic mail systems is speed. Unlike traditional letters, which may take several days or even weeks to reach their destination due to prison mailroom delays, electronic messages are typically delivered within hours. This quick turnaround can make it easier to maintain a consistent dialogue, fostering a stronger and more immediate connection between you and your pen pal.


The convenience of these platforms cannot be overstated. With access to electronic mail, you can send and receive messages directly from your smartphone, tablet, or computer without the need for physical paper, envelopes, or stamps. Some systems even allow you to share digital photos, which can provide a much-needed personal touch and a glimpse of the world outside for someone in prison.


However, electronic mail systems have their downsides, and it’s important to be aware of these limitations. One significant drawback is cost. Both sending and receiving electronic messages often involve fees that can quickly add up, especially for incarcerated individuals who may already be facing financial challenges. In many cases, individuals in prison are charged per message or per page, creating a financial burden that may limit their ability to correspond freely.


Another concern is privacy. Unlike traditional mail, which can feel more personal, electronic communications are closely monitored by prison staff. Messages are often reviewed and may be flagged for content deemed inappropriate, even if it’s innocuous. In some cases, these communications can even be used as evidence against the incarcerated person, making it essential to be mindful of the language and topics discussed.


Limited access can also be a barrier. Not all facilities offer electronic mail systems, and for those that do, access can be restricted based on factors like availability of funds or the facility’s specific policies. Some incarcerated individuals may not have the financial means to use the system regularly or may face restrictions on the amount of communication they are allowed.


How to Open an Account with a Prison Email Platform

Getting started with a prison email platform is relatively straightforward. First, you’ll need to determine which system is used by the facility where your pen pal is located. This information is in the confirmation email we send you when you sign up to be a penpal. Once you know the platform—such as JPay, SmartJailMail, GettingOut, CorrLinks, or Securus—follow these steps:

  1. Create an Account: Visit the website or download the app for the specific platform. You’ll need to provide your name, email address, and other basic information to set up your account. In most cases, you can use a preferred name as opposed to your real name, and it’s suggested to use an email address that does not send auto replies.

  2. Add Your Contact: Search for your pen pal by entering their full name and their DOC ID number, which they can provide to you. This ensures your messages are routed correctly.

  3. Fund Your Account: Most platforms require you to purchase "credits" or "stamps" to send messages. Prices vary depending on the service, so check the rates and add funds to your account as needed.

  4. Start Messaging: Once your account is set up and funded, you can begin sending messages. Be mindful of any character limits or additional charges for attachments like photos.

  5. Stay Informed: Familiarize yourself with the platform’s policies, including guidelines for acceptable content and any restrictions on message length or frequency.

While electronic mail systems can’t fully replicate the personal touch of a handwritten letter, they provide a valuable option for maintaining regular communication with someone in prison. Balancing these tools with traditional mail can help ensure your pen pal receives the support and connection they need.


Tips for a Positive Pen Pal Experience

Building a pen pal relationship with someone who is incarcerated is a rewarding and meaningful way to provide connection and support. However, it’s important to approach this relationship with patience, clear boundaries, and a focus on empathy. By doing so, you can ensure that your correspondence becomes a source of comfort and encouragement for your pen pal.


Patience is one of the most essential qualities for a successful pen pal relationship. Traditional mail systems in prisons are often slow and subject to delays due to mailroom backlogs, inspections, or logistical issues. Additionally, incarcerated individuals may not always have immediate access to writing materials, stamps, or the time needed to respond. It’s important to remember that even if you don’t hear back right away, your letter is still making a difference. Consistency on your part—sending letters even without prompt replies—reinforces the message that you care and are committed to maintaining the connection.


Equally important is the need to maintain boundaries. From the outset, be clear about your role as a pen pal. If you are unable to provide financial support or other resources, communicate this early on to set expectations. While some incarcerated individuals may request help, it’s entirely acceptable to politely explain your limits. Boundaries ensure that the relationship remains focused on mutual respect and emotional support rather than unspoken expectations or obligations. This clarity helps foster a healthy and sustainable pen pal connection.


Above all, your letters should focus on support and encouragement. Incarcerated individuals often face environments of hostility, neglect, or judgment, so your correspondence can serve as a much-needed source of positivity. Share uplifting stories or small details about your life, such as hobbies, books you’re reading, or current events that might interest them. Take an interest in their experiences and ask open-ended questions about their thoughts, interests, or goals. Even simple gestures, like asking how their day went or reminding them that they are valued, can mean the world to someone who feels forgotten. Your empathy and attention can be a light in an otherwise challenging environment.


By cultivating patience, setting clear boundaries, and focusing on encouragement, you can create a meaningful pen pal relationship that provides real support and connection. This exchange not only enriches the life of the person you write to but also offers you a chance to grow in understanding, compassion, and awareness of the challenges faced by those who are incarcerated. Together, your letters can be a bridge of hope and solidarity, demonstrating that even in isolation, no one is truly alone.


More Than Words

Becoming a pen pal is a simple yet profound way to support incarcerated sex workers and trafficking survivors. Your letters are more than just words—they are a beacon of hope, a reminder of their humanity, and an act of solidarity. Whether you choose to write by hand or use electronic mail, what matters most is the connection you build and the impact you have on someone’s life.

Together, we can help bridge the gap between those inside and outside the prison system, fostering a sense of community, healing, and justice for all.

JOIN NOW! If you’re ready to start this journey, visit SWOP Behind Bars today to find your pen pal and make a difference! We will send you detailed instructions within 48 hours of receiving your request.

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