December 17 Day 10: Chosen Families, Chosen Safety
- Alex Andrews
- 6 days ago
- 3 min read
For many sex workers, “family” is not a word that brings comfort. Too often, biological families, faith communities, and social institutions turn their backs on us. Some reject us for the work we do, others for our gender, sexuality, or survival choices. What’s left behind is a painful truth: sometimes, the people who were supposed to love us unconditionally are the first to abandon us.
But out of that rejection, something powerful is born - chosen family.
We build families of our own, shaped not by blood but by loyalty, shared struggle, and care that asks nothing in return. These are the people who show up when no one else does: the friend who answers a late-night call, the peer who delivers harm reduction supplies, the comrade who keeps your name safe when the system won’t.
Chosen family is survival in action. It is how we continue to exist in a world that insists we shouldn’t.
Why Community Matters
When violence strikes, it is rarely government agencies or institutions that step in to help - it’s other sex workers. It’s the people who know what it’s like to scramble for bail money, to mourn someone who was erased by the headlines, to pack harm-reduction kits and grief in the same breath.
Community care looks like organizing vigils, crowdfunding funeral costs, sending commissary money, providing temporary housing, or just sitting with someone in silence when there are no words left. It’s not charity - it’s solidarity. And it’s what keeps this movement alive.
Our communities have always been the first responders, the crisis line, the social safety net, and the home that the world refused to give us. When we say “we take care of us,” we mean it literally.
In that sense, every act of care - every meal shared, every check-in text, every mutual aid fund - is a form of resistance. It says: we will not be disposable. We will not be divided. We will love each other into survival.
The Role of December 17
December 17 is not only a memorial - it is a family reunion. It is the day our chosen families gather to grieve, remember, and reaffirm our commitment to one another.
At vigils across the world, under the red umbrella, people who may never have met in person find connection through shared loss and shared love. Each name read aloud is a reminder that someone was loved deeply by this community. And each candle lit is a promise: that love will not end in death, that our bonds are stronger than the stigma and violence meant to destroy us.
For many of us, December 17 is the one day of the year when we feel seen by the world - but it’s also a reminder that our community sustains us the other 364 days, too. The networks we’ve built - online, in the streets, in prisons, in shelters - are the backbone of this movement.
To honor that is to understand that “family” is not a biological concept. It’s a political one.
Action Steps
Show Up: Attend a vigil, memorial, or gathering in your city or online. Stand alongside those who have lost loved ones to violence. Presence is a form of care.
Give Back: Support mutual aid funds, commissary drives, re-entry programs, and harm reduction initiatives that directly sustain sex worker communities. These are the real lifelines.
Be Family: If you are an ally, commit to being part of this extended family - not just in words, but in tangible acts of solidarity. Offer skills, share resources, make introductions, advocate in rooms where sex workers aren’t invited.
Stay Connected: Reach out to those in your community who may be grieving or struggling. A message, a meal, or a moment of acknowledgment can mean everything.
Reflection
On December 17, community is both memorial and resistance. Family is not just who we are born to - it’s who shows up, who stays, who believes in our survival.
In a world that criminalizes our existence, solidarity is our lifeline. It’s how we grieve together, how we fight together, and how we keep each other alive.
This December 17, let’s honor not only the lives we’ve lost but the families we’ve built - chosen, cherished, and enduring.
Because when the world refuses to care for us, we create a world that does.
The every once in a while, a Drift Hunters game comes along that ends up teaching you something unexpected—something bigger than what appears on the screen.